Ready to start over

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These last few months have sucked, to be honest. Sometimes, I legitimately wanted to quit trying to get better. I just wanted to zone out. But, my life is not over.

Yes, some shitty things have happened to me lately. A LOT of shitty things actually. But, I am only 27 years old!! I have my entire life ahead of me. I really do.

This quote fits my life perfectly right now. It isn’t the end of the road for me. I need to keep telling myself that. I can do whatever I put my mind to. But, I have to get my mind right.

First, I need a routine. I have heard this multiple ties in therapy. A routine might regulate some things for me and put me in a better mood (if I put some pleasurable activities on the list).

This is a really good website for everyone who suffers with depression or a mental illness. Check it out here.

Here is their list of pleasurable activities for people to do to get out of their depression or to distract them from pain/a negative situation.

The list of activities 

So..I am going to make my routine and put it in my Ipad. I have to do my best to stick to that schedule too. I really need to stop changing or cancelling my plans. That is a really bad habit I need to break.

Until next time…

-C

This is where I am…here is where I want to be

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I’ve been unemployed since May..

At first, it was nice not having to wake up and be responsible for once. It was nice not having to get dressed to the nines and put on my makeup.

It’s been nice not sacrificing my values and beliefs for a corporation or news channel. I have liked just being ME.

But, the realness of the situation is coming to light. I need to get out of this house and work (no matter where it is). I have worked so hard to get to this point in my life. It took me eight years to graduate. I didn’t do all that work for me to be sitting here in my pajamas at two in the afternoon…

I know what I want to do. I have a goal and I know I can reach it…

I want to become a yoga teacher. I want to teach my students how to relax, how to find their edge, find realness in the stillness.

Recently, my boyfriend bought me an unlimited yoga pass. I am going to start using it as of tomorrow.

GOAL: Practice yoga at least twice daily

Hi my name is…and I am a sex addict with Borderline Personality disorder

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I am 27 years old and I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder when I was 20. To make matters worse, I realized I was a sex/love addict four years ago.

Currently, I take 900 mg of Lithium daily, 40 mg of Celexa, and 2 mg of Klonopin a day. I have been on this cocktail for two months and it seems to be working for the most part. The BPD has been under control except for a day last week when I flipped out. I am struggling a lot with jealousy right now as well.

I created this blog so I could connect with others with similar issues and help them by relating to each other. With BPD, it is easy to feel abandoned and alone and I feel like this daily. Recently, I moved over 2,000 miles for a job that I do not have anymore. I was fired because they thought I stole something. I’ll get into more details later…

But yeah…I feel alone. I don’t know anyone here in Idaho. I have a boyfriend…I have been dating him for almost four months. He is the only one I know though. I don’t have any friends or family anywhere close. Hopefully this blog will help me connect with some other people.

Until next time…

~C